Turning Blue
by DancingPetal
Summary: ShikaSaku. When Shikamaru stumbles over a depressed Sakura sitting lonely on a park bench late at night, his conscience doesn't allow him to walk away. So he's stuck playing agony aunt and realizes along the way that, somehow, Sakura is indeed female.


Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I just like to randomly put his characters together.

A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back with another oneshot and another unusual pairing. I'm planning to do something multi-chaptered soon (with still another different pairing), but I'm not sure if I can go through with it. Time's scarce in my universe…

**A note concerning ****Bad Company**: Many people asked if there would be a sequel to the story. Sadly, at the moment it doesn't look like I have the inspiration to continue it. I know more or less what I would like to happen in a continuation and I've tried writing it down, but it was soulless, really. I don't want to give you something half-hearted just for the sake of continuing. That would only make you disappointed and me unhappy. But I won't stop trying.

… don't worry about the title of this one. It's the name of my inspiration, a song by The Swallows. It might start out slightly depressed, but it gets lighter.

* * *

**Turning Blue**

(by: DancingPetal)

She was sitting on the back of the park bench, with her feet (clad in red high heels) placed on the space where people were supposed to sit down. The street lamp next to her bathed her in a bright circle of light, making her red dress gleam like a beacon. Her fancy handbag was thrown carelessly in a corner of the bench while she was absentmindedly picking at her nail polish.

Her short pink hair was gleaming in the artificially white light, now and then glittering when the soft breeze ruffled it gently. Her skin was gleaming in a similar manner, which gave her an unearthly, far-away and unapproachable look.

Something wasn't right with the picture.

For a moment, Shikamaru wondered whether he should just walk on since she looked very much okay – neither crying, nor bleeding, nor laughing hysterically. Well, apart from the fact that she was sitting dressed up and lonely on a park bench late in the evening, the depression almost a graspable cloud around her. With a sigh, he plucked the cigarette from his mouth and silently stepped onto the bench to sit down next to her.

Sakura looked up, lacking her usual beautiful smile that made her eyes crease at the ends and gave her a charming warmth that generally attracted every living being in a two-mile radius. "Hi," she said softly.

He leaned forwards, placing his elbows on his knees, and took a drag from his cigarette. "What are you doing out here?" he asked in return, gazing up at the sky instead of her. His voice floated over to her in a lazy drawl.

She lifted her eyes to the stars as well, her hands dangling between her legs and the shadow of a smile lingering around the edges of her mouth. "Stalling. And you?"

One end of his mouth lifted in private amusement. "Avoiding my mother's orders."

The medic grinned and, for a while, they sat in silence, simply looking up at the stars. He could hear her slow and even breathing beside him, as her melancholic mood seemed to envelope her once again. Then she sighed softly and lifted up her shoulders. "Have you ever…," she started uncertainly, then stopped. She didn't take her eyes off of the stars, but bit her lip and softly chewed on it.

Shikamaru blew a cloud of smoke into the air, gazing at her from the corner of his eyes. She looked incredibly young in the circle of light and the impression was only enhanced by the paleness of her face and the smokey make-up that made her eyes seem large. He kept silent, waiting for her to formulate whatever she wanted to say in her mind.

Eventually, she dropped her head and flashed him an embarrassed smile. "This'll sound stupid, but – have you ever had the feeling that being yourself is not enough?" She lowered her head so that her hair framed it like a curtain and laughed sheepishly, but softly. "I told you it would sound stupid, I'm sorry."

"Yeah," Shikamaru answered, his eyes on the stars again because he had the feeling that she would be uncomfortable with him watching her at this moment. He lifted the cigarette up to his lips when he felt her surprised look.

A bit of Sakura's embarrassment seemed to vanish with his nonchalance. She pushed her hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry to bother you with this, Shikamaru," she said with a hint of her usual firmness in her voice, but her hands were still fidgeting. "I guess my horrible night got to me."

He sighed. She was trying to wriggle her way out of the conversation instead of going through with it. Apparently, she wasn't comfortable with baring her soul to him and he couldn't even blame her because he'd feel the same way in her place. Well, he had two options – either let her have her way or force her to spill everything and get it off her chest. Remembering the forlorn picture of the solitary medic in the lamp light, he suppressed a second sigh and prayed to Kami that he wouldn't regret his decision later. "You think you've disappointed someone."

She was taken aback, although it only lasted a moment. Then she lowered her eyes and smiled in defeat. "Not a genius for nothing, huh?" she muttered softly. Her fingers started playing with the hem of her dress and she concentrated on it, rather than looking at him. "I got a proposal tonight."

Well, he didn't see that one coming. He lowered his cigarette and stared at her incredulously. "A proposal?" The first thing that ran through his mind was that she seemed much too young to marry. But she was eighteen and there were ninja who married earlier. The logical consequence if most couldn't expect to live longer that mid-twenties. Then he wondered who the hell the guy could be who had proposed to her – there had been no rumors in the ANBU headquarters or the Hokage Tower. Or at least none that had reached him.

Sakura seemed to read his mind. "Yeah, I couldn't believe it either," she answered quietly, lifting a shoulder. "I mean, I'm only eighteen, right? Though I guess that's not unusual," she added wistfully.

He was still staring at her when she lifted her head. "I totally wasn't prepared. He caught me by surprise. His name's Rui," she explained. "I've been going out with him for about a year now. He's a civilian, the son of one of my parents' acquaintances. He's really wonderful." She smiled. "He doesn't mind that I'm a kunoichi and he's very caring and attentive and a real gentleman. But I told him I couldn't. I don't love him."

Shikamaru furrowed his brows. "And now you think you've disappointed him."

She laughed, though it sounded a bit sad. "Well, I _know_ that I've disappointed him. But what's worse," she continued, sobering up, "is that I fear that my parents will be disappointed when I tell them." She bit her lip again, flipping the hem of her dress up and back again. "I've disappointed them so many times already. When I became a ninja. When I gave up my friendship with Ino for a boy. When I befriended Naruto. When I failed the Chuunin Exam. So many times."

Lifting her head again, she avoided his eyes. "I know that it's ridiculous. I'm an adult, I'm a successful kunoichi, my life is great and I shouldn't care what they think about what I do or don't because those are _my_ decisions, but I still – still feel like I need their approval. That's so pathetic," she added in a whisper.

"It's natural," he replied.

"Maybe… But it still makes me feel bad." She smiled with a lot of effort.

Flipping the butt of his cigarette into the darkness, Shikamaru pushed his hands into his pockets. "You feel better when you get the approval of your parents and it hurts if you don't. But in the end it all comes down to whether you can live with the decisions you make. And it's better to disappoint others than to disappoint yourself." He smiled crookedly. "After all, you're the one who has to live with yourself all your life."

Sakura snorted, but her mood seemed lighter. "So you tell me to suck it up, huh?"

He smirked. "You're a big girl after all."

This time, her smile was honest. "Thank you, Shikamaru."

He stood up and jumped off the bench, holding his hand out to her. "Come on, I'll walk you home."

"Aren't I supposed to be a big girl?" she teased, but took his hand all the same. She stepped down from the bench and grabbed her handbag before they started down the path that led to the exit nearest to her house.

They pace was a leisurely stroll. Sakura closed her eyes when a light breeze ruffled their hair, her ninja training allowing her to keep her balance even in her heels. "Who would've thought that Konoha can be so peaceful?"

"That's because it's the middle of the night," the shadow user answered amusedly, but he sounded just as content as she had.

"I feel a bit strange, walking around dressed up like this," she admitted, fanning out the skirt of her dress.

He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. It was unusual, she was right. Ninja seldom got the chance to wear unpractical clothing, it simply didn't go with their profession. High heels and jumping trees just didn't fit and any form of make-up would easily be reduced to nothingness by gruesome training sessions or travel through the rain. Shikamaru even thought he'd caught a small whiff of perfume carried with the breeze; another luxury ninja usually didn't get to enjoy. They were only allowed to use unscented body care products because the artificial smells could give them away to any enemy with a keen nose and that just wouldn't do.

"It doesn't look like you," he said nonchalantly. "But it's still nice."

Her laugh was short and a bit awkward. "Probably. Thanks, though." She wrapped her arms around herself and for a moment, the comfortable silence between them was back. Their steps were crunching softly on the path and the breeze was gently rustling through the trees. When the next lamp illuminated her face, he could see that she had turned wistful again, her eyes far away. He didn't push her, simply waited for her to voice her thoughts while he wondered when he had turned into her personal agony aunt and why he didn't find it all too troublesome.

"I would've liked to love him," she said softly. "Really. I – He's so wonderful and I honestly care about him. I could face my parents without feeling so inadequate. And sometimes… I think that maybe I'm just chasing after dreams that aren't really possible. Maybe my expectations are too high."

What now? He could tell her that he'd never seen that sort of love every girl wanted. But she probably knew that herself; she had already been disillusioned long ago and didn't look for the semblance of perfection anymore. Should he tell her that she should settle for what she could get because life was short? Because she could grow to love him? Were those good enough reasons? Could he tell her to wait and force her to feel lonely and inadequate? Was this even his question to answer?

Shikamaru sighed. "I can't answer that for you. But I can tell you to ask yourself what it is you're looking for." He shrugged. "Do you want happiness, or love, or security and stability? Are you willing to wait and can you stand the lonliness?"

Sakura nodded and sighed as well, then suddenly looked up at him with a sheepish smile. "I'm so sorry I'm bothering you with this, Shikamaru. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"Don't worry," he replied, waving his hand lazily. "Today probably shocked you into thinking about all this stuff, that's normal. And if it helps you to talk about it, then you have to talk. Simple as that."

"Well, it's definitely much more helpful to talk to you about this than with Ino or my mother." She grinned charmingly and he didn't find it hard to understand why this Rui had fallen for her. She wasn't beautiful, but she had an aura that worked with personality, not looks. She was no magnet for men like Ino, who was practically bursting with beauty and sex appeal; her charme was more subtle and harder to detect, but once you had seen it, it was hard to overlook.

He lazily grinned back at her. "Probably because I'm better at listening."

She snorted softly. "That's only because you're too lazy to talk much."

"That's habit," Shikamaru replied perfectly serious, but the corners of his mouth were twitching. "Usually I don't even have the chance to say anything because Ino's talking without stopping to breathe."

"Yeah, I know," she grinned.

They exited the park and crossed the street to enter the residential area. It was darker there - the street lamps were set up with greater distances between them – but still bright enough to not walk into things. The clicking of Sakura's heels sounded louder there, thrown back from the walls. He noticed how she immediately tried to walk more carefully, the need to keep silent deeply ingrained into her by years of ninja training. It didn't seem that she was aware of it, though.

She turned her head to look at him. "I'm staying at my parents' house tonight." Her voice was so low it was almost a whisper.

"I remember where that is." He nodded at her once and she smiled in response.

"That's why I said I was stalling earlier," she said simply for the sake of conversation. "My mother's probably waiting up for me."

"Why?" How old did her mother think she was again?

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Curiousity, I guess. But I think she also finds it hard to grasp the strange idea that her daughter isn't some damsel in distress if someone attacks her in a dark alley. I've learned to live with it, though. It's adorable, somehow." There was a dimple on her cheek as she grinned. "What's your mother like?"

Shikamaru smiled despite himself. "Loud. And bossy. She doesn't like it when I lie around doing nothing. She'd like me to be more ambitious. But she's proud of me and she believes in me."

"Sounds like a great mom."

He looked at her, but her face was sincere. The lamp they were passing once again bathed her in light and illuminated the way the skirt of her dress was swishing around her knees. That had to be the first time he saw her so femine. Before, her temper and then simple habit had caused him to look at her but not to recognize her as a girl or woman. Now it was hard to overlook, dressed up as she was and he had to admit that it came as somewhat of a shock. He had known all along that she was female, but now it had turned into a conscious knowledge instead of a vague idea. He wasn't sure yet if that was good or not.

A good way into the residential area, they turned around a corner into the street where her parents' house was. She had been right – there was a light burning in the house, probably the living room, that indicated that someone was still awake even though it had to near one in the morning.

"I feel like fourteen," he muttered softly, but she heard him and laughed.

They stopped in front of the house and Sakura turned around to him. The sheepish smile was back, but she didn't seem so uncomfortable with it as back in the park. "Yeah, I know. It's kind of stupid but this really feels like the end of a date."

Shikamaru looked at her with a wry grin. "What a sucky date."

At that, she burst out laughing, but quickly clamped her hand over her mouth to mute the sound because she didn't want to alert the whole neighborhood. She quickly quelled the laughter. "Well, at least you walked me home," she replied with a grin of her own.

"The least I can do."

Her eyes glinted up at him. "Then the least I can do is give my charming date a goodnight kiss."

He blinked in confusion, but before he could do anything else, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. He raised an eyebrow at her when she pulled back, but she only smiled. "Thank you, Shikamaru." Then she stepped back and strode toward the front door of her parents' house. Halfway there, she turned around and softly called, "I owe you!", before slipping inside and closing the door behind her.

Her mother was waiting for her in the hallway, eyeing her speculatively. "Who was that?" Apparently, the fact that some stranger had brought her to their doorstep (and probably also the fact that said stranger had been wearing Jounin clothing) had wiped every thought about her date with Rui from her mother's mind.

Sakura slipped out of her heels, still smiling. "Shikamaru. He walked me home, so no complaints, okay?"

Her mother opened the front door and peered after the dark haired ninja who was strolling down the street with his hands in his pockets. Then she turned back around and closed it again, looking at her daughter with raised eyebrows and an open mouth. "He's got ear piercings!" she hissed, scandalized.

"I know," Sakura replied, grinning broadly. "They're totally _hot_, don't you think?"

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A/N: I was really tempted to make a multi-chaptered story with this pairing and even wrote a few pages, but eventually got stuck and realized that the idea hadn't enough plot motivation to survive multiple chapters, so I left it to die, sadly. This one got stuck in my head, though, and there's even a tiny excerpt from the pages I'd already written for this multi-chapter idea. I just had to include it, it was my absolute favorite snippet of a scene!

… maybe this baby will one day get a companion.


End file.
